Having a night.

Feeling pretty defeated right now. The house hunt is not going well and time is ticking away. We had a place where the guy made me feel like I was going to get it but then tells me there is an applicant ahead of me and he approved them. I feel toyed with. And considering how I got into the house hunting situation that isn’t a great feeling.

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Our littlest Thalia will be going to her new home this week 😦 🙂

Our situation just sucks. It is near impossible to find someone who accepts cosigners. Apartments really don’t like it. I just don’t make enough money to do it alone though. I am starting to get really scared and desperate. We will probably end up living in the camper. That isn’t a horrible thing, except the age of the camper means parks wont accept it for monthly stays. So again we have to find somewhere to park it.

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Eph getting tired with his pup Lovely waiting on a house viewing that didn’t work out.

I am struggling to stay positive. The kids are having a hard time too. Ephraim has been crying off and on for the last hour and I can’t even figure out why. Today was pretty easy for him, he just hung out with Grandma, but now he is an emotional wreck headed for meltdown city.

Which is only going to get worse over the next few days. We are starting to thin the herd here. Yesterday I put word out to rehome our tortoise shell kitty and a friends grandma is going to be giving her a new home. Tonight, I have to put it out there to rehome Ephraim’s kitty stormy. He is not thrilled by this as you can guess. Every conversation we have had about that has gone very badly.  My parents are taking on the chickens, so that is at least one worry that I don’t have to deal with now. Eph was not a fan of getting rid of them wither. I hate having to break my kids hearts over and over again.

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these two have been near inseparable since we got her.

This whole thing just sucks. In less then a month, we will most likely be homeless. That is how it is looking right now. I am bouncing back and forth between anger and despair. This is not how children should be raised.

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Eph is pretty angry at me about having to let her go 😦

We had River’s social security review today. The transition over to his own file now that he is 18. I was pretty nervous about that, but it went well. Now we just have to wait and see if they are going to decide that because he is 18 his disability has suddenly disappeared, because yeah, that is how autism works didn’t you know.

We are still trying to figure out Ephraim’s disability and we just started the process of getting me approved to provide childcare for a friend. If that all goes smooth, I will actually have some money coming in and wont be so stuck. but of course I can’t make any of that happen before the deadline for moving is here. So it doesn’t really help right now.

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oh yay

I am tired of crying. I am just so tired. My birthday is in less the 2 weeks. So hey universe, could you please cut me a break.

Always Love,

Domoni

http://www.gofundme.com/Dreaming-of-home

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6 Comments

  1. Domoni,
    It was my honor to pray for your children. They certainly need prayers and good thoughts. I read through your blog. Your posts are interesting in the psychological sense. The overall theme bleeding through your blog appears to be victimhood. If you are playing the perpetual victim while receiving government services, government money, government medical care, and other handouts perhaps this is being absorbed by your sons. No one owes you anything. It’s so hard to tell your children no. Really, are you serious? Blaming others who have their own challenges is not generally productive. You’re a mother of two, a grown woman. Have you thought about improving your grammar and vocabulary? Life sucks? Little dude? You are 35 and want to have some sort of career someday. Does it make any sense (to you) to consider cutting the younger boys hair nicely? Keep them dressed nicely? Second hand stores have nice clothing. I shop at the Goodwill my boys are dressed nicely and neatly. No one is responsible for your feelings. The person that showed you the house has a vested interest in surviving and making money as that is how society works. It’s not my intention to be mean. You obviously love your children but sometimes love is not quite enough. It sounds like you are projecting victimhood on them when they will need strength. Cyberbegging? You collected pets when you have barely enough money to survive. It was shortsighted and irresponsible for you to get them. Pets cost money to maintain. Pets when you are struggling to pay the electric bill? Did you get your dog pen from a charitable organization? You blame the landlord? Is it really the fault of everyone else? I’m going to guess your children were dragged along your chaotic journey with little stability other than your parents. Before you say I a don’t understand and I am some random person trying to be mean, I do understand all too well. It is my intention to get you thinking. Good luck. I hope your children are successful on their journey through life. You, Domoni, can become stronger, more independent, a better leader, and well spoken. Elizabeth

    • Firstly, good on your for being such a good Christian. Thank you so much for reaching out and letting me know you are praying for my children. Though receiving prayers from someone who then mocks those same children is not exactly what I was asking for when I said we wanted prayers. We won’t be picky though, all prayers are appreciated. I take it you have met us? You have actually seen how my children are dressed and groomed, the clothing they wear everyday. Or do you believe children should be wearing suits and ties over the summer? My son is due for a haircut, that is true. However, school hasn’t started yet and he doesn’t want a cut right now so I am not concerned with that. As to what you think you may know about my family, you know the very small amount that I have written in just a few posts. Perhaps you are someone who I know through facebook? None of that means you know anything at all about me or how my financial situation got to the point of me needing my mothers help as a cosigner or when that happened. I do often feel ashamed, but I have never raised my children to be victims. You took one comment about being tired of telling my children no and made it seem as though they are spoiled. Yeah, i may not use the most fantastic grammar and you may not like me calling my son little dude, but I really don’t seem to care about that. Thanks for the heads up on your odd assumption that I am unintelligent though. So let me do for you what you have done for me.

      I am praying for you and your children. I am praying that you will learn not to judge people and that your children will grow to be kind, empathetic and accepting people despite the fact that you seem to be bitter and concerned with the less important aspects of life and I fear you may be teaching them that. You were trolling blogs at 6:30 in the morning looking to post vile and hateful condescension, so I assume you have nothing better to do. Perhaps you should go worry about finding something to fill your life with that is less hateful and hurtful to strangers.

      Back to me and my kids. We are not victims. My children are being raised to be strong. This is my place to say things whether they are weak or not I have the right to express them. How you view me, says more about you than it will about me. Thanks for taking the time to let me know your opinion and I hope you can hear mine and then go about your day as I shall now do.

    • OH WONDERFUL!! Bible lessons! We need to tell them what God says! Lord knows, we need some of that here!! Can anyone join in??

      I know, let’s start with Psalm 12:5

      “Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise,” says the LORD. “Then I will protect them from those who malign them.”

      HHmmm… I’m not sure I’d want to be caught maligning anyone under the Lord’s protection. Perhaps you’re closer to Him, so you’re permitted?

      How about Psalm 82:3-4

      Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

      “Defend and Rescue: To shame mercilessly until the weak and needy go away; and I can pretend they don’t exist.” Oh wait, that isn’t what Webster’s says after all; I must have misread that. Sorry, my bad.

      Psalm 102:17

      He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; He will not despise their plea.

      That means that it’s your mission to despise them so He doesn’t get His hands dirty, right?

      Let’s not forget Psalm 109:31

      For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save his life from those who condemn him.

      Yikes, I don’t believe I would be flinging any condemnation where God could see me! Good luck to you.

      Well, enough of the Psalms, probably just an aberration. Let’s look elsewhere.

      Proverbs 14:20-21

      The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends. He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy.

      Proverbs 14:31

      He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

      Uh oh. But you ARE being cruel to be kind, aren’t you? So that’s ok.

      Oh, the Proverbs 31 woman, surely she has it right!

      Proverbs 31:20

      She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

      Well, shoot, best not to spend TOO much time in the Proverbs. Let’s just go right to the source. Maybe the prophets?

      Jeremiah 22:16

      “He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the LORD.”

      Uumm, not exactly what we are looking for here, God!

      Ezekiel 16:49

      “Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.”

      SMACK!!!!!!

      Wait, that’s not what I was told the big sin in Sodom was!!

      Oh dear! Moving right along!

      Let’s just get out of that pesky “Old Testament”, it seems a bit out-dated anyway. Perhaps Jesus has something better to say.

      Matthew 25:34-40

      “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
      Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
      The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'”
      1 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
      44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
      45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
      46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

      OH MY GOODNESS!!! That’s not what I expected Jesus to say at all. Surely that can’t be the measure by which He will judge us?? Must have meant something other than what it actually says, am I right?

      James 2:15-17

      “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

      1 John 3:17-18

      “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

      Oh……

      But surely God at least tells them to dress better, right??

      James 2:9

      “My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim that you have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people more than others? For instance, suppose someone comes into your meeting dressed in fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, and another comes in who is poor and dressed in shabby clothes. If you give special attention and a good seat to the rich person, but you say to the poor one, ‘You can stand over there, or else sit on the floor’—well, doesn’t this discrimination show that you are guided by wrong motives?… “

      Well, this is looking worse and worse. My, my, my, I hate to say this; but it looks like God doesn’t understand how the poor should be spoken to and treated at all!!!

      Maybe you should pray for Him and give Him a few lessons, too. I’m sure He needs your wisdom and guidance as much as Domoni does, from the look of it.

      And feel free to correct my grammar when you get done.

  2. So sorry that people sometimes decide they can be rude online because they are “invisible”. Those who know you, love you and enjoy getting to read your updates. We also know they are not all going to be roses and cherries. Funnily enough you live a very real life with some big challenges. Love to you.

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