So here we are, another school year is about to end. The little dude has almost all of his work completed and will be finishing up the last of his courses tomorrow aside from science (more on that in a sec) The big guy is on a more structured program and struggles a bit more at keeping on task, but he is getting close to the end and should be ready for finals week and done with school in 3 weeks. I am super proud of the work they have accomplished.
So why does my heart feel so low?
Let me tell you about the school we were associated with this year. My boys go to a different kind of school. It is through the public school district and there are other students and 2 teachers and a little building and classes and the like. Our school is different though. Our school uses online curriculum. The little dude uses the K12 program and I guide him through the year. The majority of his schooling is done at home with provided curriculum. Most Wednesdays he goes to the school building and has a science class with other students. He is in 3rd grade doing 4th grade curriculum and his science class is 3rd – 5th grade and there are 6 kids in the group. He really enjoys it and has made a very good friend through the school. That is the key and why we picked this school SO that the boys could make friends. For the first time in Eph’s life he has a real friend. So this year was pretty major for little dude.
Now the big guy, he is doing his junior year of high school. He hasn’t done a full year at brick and mortar school since he was in the 3rd grade. He struggled so much and had some pretty traumatic events ( I talked about the painful reflections here) so I have mostly home schooled him. I used a few different curriculum and sometimes I just went to the library and found things to teach him. I guess I didn’t do so bad because he is doing really well in school this year aside from his time management struggles.
Since River is in the high school program, his weeks are different then Eph’s. Rio uses a different program online called apex. It is very much a self propelled program where he just goes along at his own pace, though there is a calendar of what is due when for him to stay on time. It is a great program and he likes it. He can and does go into the school building on Tuesdays and Thursdays as well as every fourth Wednesday for science lab. On top of that, his teacher stays available over video chat when he needs help. The teachers are a husband and wife team. He works with the high school kids and she works with the k-8 kids. Both are amazing with all of the kids and it is a great environment.
So again, why am i down?
My hopes for this school year was that the big guy would learn some social skills and most of all, make a friend. Someone close to his age that he could talk with and spend time with and feel like he had a friend. While he has learned some social skills and he has taken part in activities he hasn’t really connected with any of the other kids. He will hang with the younger kiddos at the social gatherings and they enjoy talking with him about Pokemon. That isn’t a bad thing. He likes when Eph’s buddy chats him up about pokemon and such but it isn’t the same thing. I just hurt so much when I see him struggle and he wants so much to have a friend.
I don’t know how to help him and it breaks my heart. My son will be 18 in a month and he has never had a friend. We have started planning his birthday party and I asked him who he wanted to invite and he said “I don’t know, Grandma and Grandpa”
So I invited my parents and Ephs friends family (who have become great friends to me and River gets on well with the kids who are all Around Eph’s age or younger) River has connected with a young girl in that family who has AS. She has taken to him and he seems to calm her. So I suppose that is a friend even if it isn’t conventional. I invited people I know to join us for the party but there is this huge pain as I sit and think of these invitations. I have never been able to be that mom who invites their child’s friends to enjoy their day with them. My amazing son will be 18 and he has never had a birthday party where his friends come and hang out with him. In fact the majority of his birthdays are just me his brother and my parents. Neither of my sons have been able to have a birthday party experience.
This was why I wanted so badly to try and give them the lego land dream and why I will keep trying to find a way to make that happen. They are such amazing boys and I wish the world could see that. I know some day someone will meet him and see past the struggles to the amazing, loving, intelligent young man that he is and they will want to be a part of his life.
I had hoped this year would have been the year where he made a real connection and had a friend. Though my heart hurts for him, I will just keep hoping. Next year he will be at the same school. Maybe that will be the year. Just keep holding on to hope.
2 1/2 weeks until my baby boy turns 18. all he wants is some friends to come bbq and play video games. I wish that was easy to give him. I hope people come this year. Even if it is another year of just us and the grandparents. I will make him some bbq and I will play halo with him all day if that’s what he wants. And some day I WILL take him to LegoLand. Just keep pushing forward.
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