Dealing with life

So I haven’t been very active online lately. Haven’t been blogging for this or for my work. I needed to pull myself back and tend to some personal things. I started school and it has been taking much of my focus. Things have been rough around here in a few different ways. I feel bad though because I need to focus and push through all of this. It is time to start planning River’s birthday party.

I can’t believe he will be 18 in less then a month. I worry because we have had very little success getting people to show up for things. My mom is usually there but I can’t depend on anyone else. I am terrified he won’t have a good day. We had started the fundraiser for Lego Land and have raised around $450. Not nearly enough for legoland next month. After discussing things we are going to use a little of that money for a bbq at home and continue to fundraise until I can make the kids dream come true. 

We have never had good luck with parties. Aside from my mom people don’t tend to show up. He wants people to come and I want people to come, but I can’t make them come. Last year my boyfriend at the times family  came and my friend brought her family but noone River invited came and past relationships being past means I can’t expect those people to come. I expect  that it will be another year of just my mom and pops. And it breaks my heart.

River wants friends so badly. I can’t do anything about that. He went to a school this year with other kids but he didn’t make a friend. He just doesn’t know how. I have tried to set things up but they fall through. People who have been in our lives for years can’t be depended on. I just don’t know how to make it better for him.

So I am praying that this year won’t break his heart and that I can eventually save and raise the money for the LegoLand trip. I just need to buckle down and push things out. I have been flaking and I can’t do that anymore.

So this is me, shaking it off and moving forward.

Always Love,



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